How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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