Tell her she can't have a vagina
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
