Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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