Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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