I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
