You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This house was built for laser tag.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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