you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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