There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
