Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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