I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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