i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
