One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
