so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
