look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
