cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
