i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
