We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
