Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
