i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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