I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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