I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
