YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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