Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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