Cold hands, warm shart.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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