Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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