Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
