apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
