: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
