he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
