you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
