OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
