I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
