Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
