Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
