I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
