just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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