You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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