I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
