You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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