i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Vodka?
Forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
