i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
