I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
