he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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