Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
