she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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