and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
