just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
