I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
