Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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