Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
