Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
