so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
